can you handle happiness?

I used to obsess about not being happy and about the lack of love in my life.

So why is it, that I didn't feel happy and loved?

The main reason is, that I had a certain 'image' and feeling that I connected by the thought of love/happiness.

I think my expectations were for it to be something gigantically awesome. Along came pressure to keep me from it.

I wasn't capable of locating the lighter shades of of happiness and love. I wanted the hard core love, because this world sells us happiness and love as some bigass thing.

Pinks song 'I'm a hazard to myself' fits so well, because I was a hazard to myself right there.

Learning how to handle happiness and love was such a big thing growing up. No one told me that this could be an issue. Just because being happy or feeling loved is considered as being positive doesn't make it something you can handle straight just like that. At least for me it wasn't.