sheep year 2012

Everytime I hear people say mean things about other people,

I imagine I am that person that they are talking about. Just that they’re telling these things directly in my face.

And I feel so bad, and I try to say something, that will defend that person. Defend me. Defend my opinion.

 

That’s how I loose myself.

 

That’s what gets me scared.

That other people are talking about me, and that there won’t be someone who will defend me.

 

I’m just caught in between two walls, and I try to be the person that doesn’t have the chance to explain themselves.

 

I try to be everyone. I try to solve people’s problems, by trying to make them see the other sides, because people don’t talk as much. About the things, that really matter. So how am I supposed to know, what really matters, if they never really talk to each other about what matters to them truly?

 

And that’s just something I really hate about this world. That people aren’t talking about how they really feel.

 

And then I get scared, when I talk about how I feel. Because people judge so much, and I don’t want to get caught up in it. It makes me doubt every good thing about anyone in this world. Until there’s no other way left than that I just express my insecurity that is the result of just trying to be everybody. Not knowing what’s left of me.

 

But the thing is, I forget myself. When I talk to someone, I forget who I am. I forget what my opinion is about things. And this is no lie. Because I hear so much crap, and I take things so seriously. I try to take it seriously, because other people don’t, and I try to make them see it more seriously, if I am.

 

Things, that really matter to me. Like someone I like. That’s when I jump into myself. That’s when I really try to see my view of things.

 

My reality has kind of flown away, because I try to see the world through the view of the person who can not defend thouself.

 

I like it when people show me, what really matters to me. I am a sheep of the herd, but I am my own sheep. That wants to be heard. As it’s own self.

 

Note: Take myself more seriously.

 

Xx,

Annette

Note: don't really know how I meant all of this, but I think it was as important to me, to write it down back then. Maybe you can relate?